Too Much Supernatural
by Naeas
Summary: Have you ever wondered if you're watching too much Supernatural? Time to find out. [Refer to the chapter leaflet for risks and side effects and consult the author or participators.]
1. Chapter 5

_„Right, you're a mind reader. Cut it out Sam. Sam! You think you're being funny but you're being really, really childish. Sam Winchester wears make-up. Sam Winchester cries his way through sex. Sam Winchester keeps a ruler by the bed and every morning when he wakes up ... okay, enough!_

\- Sam and Dean

* * *

You know you've watched way too much Supernatural, when...

-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-

\- ... the first thing you do when you arrive at a crime scene is to interrogate the cat whether he saw someone ganking someone. As the police arrives you are forced to cease your interrogation of the cat, for you are wanted for messing up investigations more than once

\- ... everytime you see a kid wailing you take off your shoes, grabbing your sock and use it as a sock puppet, pretending Mr. Socki has a life of it's own. The problem is Mr. Socki usually has a breakdown - ('cause he's an alcoholic and a drug addict and he's not a good man (sock) and he doesn't like children (da da da da WHERE IS MISHA))

\- ... you're grabbing people by their shoulder, dragging them down the street, screaming "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition and now I'll drag you up and down the road until you show me some gratitude"

The person doesn't even know you

\- ... you know that angles are dicks and they really shouldn't watch over you. Because I can assure you you'll end up in a room full of burgers and cheap beer waiting for the world to burn

\- ... you swore to throw the radio out of the window the very moment you hear "The Heat Of The Moment" by Asia. For obvious reasons...

\- ... as soon as you hear dogs barking in the distance you start wondering why you weren't around 10 years before. You would've love to make out with a crossroads demon

\- ... you're collecting the jewelry of the dead. You're keeping them safe until the world will face evil once again and they need to lock it away

\- ... you're convinced the Winchesters own a tricking phone-department.

Everytime they are emotionally pissed they're throwing their phones away... I mean come on. Where are they even getting this stupid phones

\- ... before every lesson you recap the road so far using a fancy presentation. In the distance you can hear someone singing "Carry on my wayward son"

\- ... the Hillywood Show is canon.

* * *

Enjoy - Because I have no idea what to write under this line

Except my English may still suck


	2. Chapter 4

_"I mean, why are we even still here?"_  
\- Sam Winchester

_„This is why *holds up their dad's journal* This book. This is Dad's single most valuable possession. Everything he knows about every evil thing is in here. And he's passed it on to us. I think he wants us to pick up where he left off, you know, saving people, hunting things. The family business."_  
\- Dean Winchester

* * *

You know you've watched way too much Supernatural, when...

-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-

\- ... it's very rare for you go camping. You do it but only under certain circumstances. After all -** you **know whats hiding deep, deep in the forest. Once you go you should make sure to avoid the local trap and weapons control

\- ... you are aware that as soon as you visit a forest whose campers go missing at regular intervals you either_  
_ a) grab all your stuff/equipment and (by following the methods indicated in point 1)) take a little trip precisely into that above-mentioned forest or_  
_b) collect all dokuments based on the information you gatherd and hand them over to the local police authorities

\- ... every now and then you plan to play every video on the internet (based on supernatural stories) in slow motion, to spot extremely fast moving monster, to ensure that they [the monster] won't have the element of suprise

\- ... you note every encounter with uncommon/odd people in your diary so that future generations learn to deal with that certain groups of persons. [Please do** not **consider to act as a well-know dictator and eliminate them if necessary...]

\- ... you've learned to never disobey a direct order comming from a stranger. The guy with the gun and capri shorts is telling you to stay in the the circle of salt? You **stay **in the circle of salt

\- ... you are 73% certain you would survive a monster attack. One reason for the 73% is the fact that most monsters hibernate and like to store live food (makes up 70%) The remaining 3% are due to your professional training as a hunter. You are as subtle as an elephant.

\- ... you tend to carry around a bag of M&Ms just in case you get kidnapped. Why would someone strew bread crumbs all along the road when you have M&Ms. Nothing is more reliable than a rail of peanut M&Ms to leave behind.

\- ... you are confident no matter what situation you are in, you'll always find a weapon or a way to eleminate your enemy. You are in a freaking desert? No probs - look there is a unicorn-whale horn baptized in virgin blood to kill that monster we've never seen in our entire life. Because plot...

\- ... you insist to on driving the car. Always. License or not. Your car, your rules

\- ... when you trying to set somebody on the wrong track you'll probably fail so miserably you've end up in their bat cave for some reason

* * *

Enjoy - Because I have no idea what to write under this line.

Soon the show will be over but we will have the will to carry on. But prob we will fail miserably and end up on the floor (or ceiling) whailing like a baby. Boho


	3. Chapter 3

_"I love the smurfs"_  
_\- Dean Winchester_

* * *

You know you've watched way too much Supernatural, when...

-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-

\- ... you eagerly follow all news on hunting accidents, hoping to find a **hunting-**hunting accident at some point and thus a hunter who will likely kick your ass. Civilians do not belong on a hunt *sad life*

\- ... your CV is always something special. Starting with the passage  
"Lawrence Kansas - 22 years Ago"  
followed by "deceased" and seven obituaries of yourself

\- ... you hear someone break in. Your first instinct is not to call the cops but to check if everything is okie doki with an in-salt-dipped iron rod. Highly effective against ghosts and burglars

\- ... you teach your future children not to be scared of the monster in the closet. You give them a '45 and watch how they grow up

\- ... your trunk contains your own personal torture cave. Including silver shackles, iron chokers, salt coats etc. and of course an file full of missing people with whose disappearance you have **absolutely** nothing to do

\- ...as you overhear a person say "diaries are for girls" you put on your serious-jacket and take your tatty diary out of your bag. Let's talk shit and get this over and done with

\- ... you just met someone and head where she directs you. When you arrive the house is old derelict and the person tells you that's the place she lived for a long time. You try not to freak out but you run for it, faster than Dean running from a chihuahua

\- ... the first thing you do when you see the local police is to call your sibling warning him to run for it (they are living in a different town, happily married btw) You can't remember what you did, but they are here. Because of you.

\- ... you threw your iPod holder out of your car. Instead you installed a cassette recorder so you can hear the same four tapes over and over again

\- ... you answer every "bitch" with an annoyed "jerk" [in the distance you can hear a shocked "assbutt"

* * *

So I guess that's it. The next chapter is here.

I am really happy someone took a moment to write a review. Some people even following this fic! As Cass would say - that makes me very happy

You have more ideas or wanna become the beta reader? Write me

Until then - carry on my fellow hunters


	4. Chapter 2

_"Fake US Marshals, fake credit cards... Got anything that's real?"_  
_\- Police_

_"My boobs."  
\- Dean Winchester_

* * *

You know you've watched way too much Supernatural, when...

-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-

\- ...you are aware that the only way to save yourself from a car that starts on its own and tries to knock you down is **not **to step aside but to find the next best bridge and throw yourself into the river. You may be muddy but congratulations! You survived a ghost car.

\- ... every now and then you stop by your siblings appartment (especially after a long trip) with a fire extinguisher and a fire blanket. So you don't have to worry that once his/her Partner spontaneously burst into flames your sibling will have ermergency operations to rely on

\- ... in order to satisfy your god given curiosity everytime you see something happen within a 5km radius you pose as a US Marshall to question the cops with clear conscience and in a relaxed atmosphere

\- ... you putting up missing posters with _your_ face on it. You want to make sure that once police officers meet the Winchester-boys they [the boys] come looking for you the minute the officer tells them about you

\- ... you make it your buisness to get in touch with friends and family of a deceased person to hold a séance. You call it the exclusive long-distance call with the dead

\- ... you realize that there is no place safer to expand conspiracy theories than a motel room in the middle of nowhere (as long as you pay with fake credit cards)

\- ... you carry around a bottle full of pure salt for a year so you can either salt your food any time or pour it into the police officers face who asked you nicely to see your ID. It's called a salty attitude (plz dont kill me.)

\- ... Food is the first and most imortant priority even if you have to attend an important appointment with a strict Deadline. You are a doctor. Emergency doctor.

\- ... you are on vacation and slowly but steady freaking out beacuse your sister refuses to plunge into the water because the saltwater is giving her "owie"

\- ... you will alway remember the first rule when you hear a child screaming trough a babyphone. You do **not** get up and go into the nursery to check if everything is alright. You do **not **want to end up bleeding and burning on the ceiling.

* * *

Here we are once again with a new chapter. Yay

I'd love to hear about someone who volunteers to check whether I have gram. or other stipid mistakes.

If you liked it take a cookie *throwing Cookies around*

If you have some ideas for chapterpoint do not hesitate to write it down. I'll make sure to use it properly and mention you (and your profile) of Course. If you have enough points you may even write the chapter yourself and probably with a much better vocabulary...*sad german life*

Until then - carry on my fellow hunters

\- Naeas


	5. Chapter 1

_ "House rules, Sammy - Driver picks music, shotgun shuts his cakehole"_  
_ \- Dean Winchester_

* * *

You know you've watched way too much Supernatural, when...

-#-#-#-#-#-#-#-

_**-**_ ... you learned to sleep with a fire extinguisher next to your bed. You know. Just in case

\- …you are aware that as soon as you drive on a highway, that lists ten missing people over the past 20 years, you do ****not**** stop by the person at the edge of the road to see whether everything is oki doki. You spray your license plate with salt and you roll that son of a bitch over with your car

\- … your weekly family reunion consists of breaking into your siblings apartment, hiding in the shadows until you spot your sibling and tacklee them to the ground

\- … you started to honor the burning dead on the ceiling every year to Halloween

\- … you love to freak your parents out by grabbing your younger sibling and running out of the house every night, Screaming at the top of your lungs that the nursery is on fire. The Neighbors have already giving up calling the fire department

\- … you sign up in law school to find a boy-/girlfriend named Jess, take them home, and push them into the oven to watch them burn once again #goodoldcosplay

\- … after your parents didn't contact you that evening you burgle your siblings house, madly articulating and explaining to him that your parents (they are bankers btw) haven't call back after a hunting session. You know. Hunting innocent pay-Taxers.

\- … the women you invited to an annual celebration who is completly dressed in white is standing quietly by your privat pool. You start freaking out after you hear her whisper that she can't go home yet. You would propably start trying to drown her and squeal something about taking her home. But thats a story for an other point

\- … you are aware that blood on the windscreen is not to link with a car accident. It's **never **just a car accident

\- … when your shotgun complains about your taste in music, you would turn up the music in your car so loud that not even the cashier takes notice that you once again Paid with a fake credit card

* * *

As you guys propably notice SPN is coming to an end and we are forced to carry on. In honer of our allfather - not you Chuck, you're still a dick - I dedicate 300 chaptrs to our digital bible. I had vacation. And Time. And all Seasons on DVD... Don't Judge me

Another thing that might have cought somebodys eye that I might not be as fluent in English as I would like to be. If anybody loves to read beta (for whatever reason) pm me :3

Until then - carry on my fellow hunters


End file.
